Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
