I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
