You're my little dorito
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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