I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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