anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
