I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
