im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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