So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
