I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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