Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
