I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
