Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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