A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
