ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
