They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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