I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
