I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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