My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
