I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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