Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
