Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
