i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
