When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
