Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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