By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
