woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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