ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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