highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
