no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have fence marks all over my body
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
