the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
