i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
