Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
