Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love you. Go after that dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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