Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
