i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
