i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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