How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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