I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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