When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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