if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
