This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
barbara walters just said penis...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
