Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
