I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
