Small penises have feelings too.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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