He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
