i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
