so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what day is it and did you see me today?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
