Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
