just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
