I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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