dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
